Sunday, March 28, 2010

A little pain anecdote

It's only painful for you because my writing is so bad.

So last week, I did a lot of work to make sure I'd be comfortable while watching Chandni Chowk to China. I know, all the work for an Akshay Kumar action movie that was panned? (Well, I enjoyed it.) I had to show gori Bollywood support.

The undoubtedly busy and overworked SAC (student activities council, I think) offered to bring in a different chair when the movie would be screened in a meeting room with uncomfortable looking chairs (it was locked, so all I saw were straight backed misery makers), and to take PICTURES of said chairs and e-mail them to me, to make sure they were okay. The movie was moved to a theater, but they still sent pictures.

The movie was at 7 and Tiger Patrol starts at 6pm. Tiger Patrol is for safety - they run from 6pm until 2am. I wish they were 24/7 or 24/5, but I'm sure it has to do with money. You can walk with someone (safety in numbers, I guess) or ride on a golf cart. The previous times I've used Tiger Patrol, I've always ridden in a cart. So I called them after 6, asking if I could be guaranteed a golf cart, because it hurt too much to walk.

"If it hurts, shouldn't you call an ambulance?"


"It's chronic, blah blah blah."

So I rode in a golf cart.

Also, always timely, I was thinking about those full body scanners at airports as part of security theater. They just see through your clothes, not through your body, and no one's stuffed stuff up orifices. Once the butt plug bomber tries (and fails), they'll add in full-on X-rays. Something embarrassing? It can't see through fat folds, so I could stick a plastic knife in my bra and it would be hidden under my boobs.

On a personal level, I don't care, I will fly naked, just let me read my book and listen to my music. I really love flying - it's so much fun once you're up there. (I want to visit a nudist colony or resort.)

On a more rational holy shit what is wrong with this country, I oppose them and will go through the longer metal detector line.

Why don't I give a damn?

Because when I was 15, I had a hideous skin infection on my butt. MY BUTT. And my dermatologist was an old man. And if I wore clothes below the waist, they were ruined. And there were some doubters (dad and/or his mom) who had to see. "Come see the living infection!" Too bad mom didn't charge them for a peek. I was also on heavy painkillers so I didn't care.

The first time I was on painkillers was post thyroid removal. So this was the first time I was on them for more than a week or so and I wasn't used to them like I am now, which involves changing meds and increasing dosages and worries about addiction until holy shit it hurts I am going to rip the lamp from the wall - I don't know why lately that has been my desire when the pain grabs my by the stomach and won't let go, I wrap my fingers around the edge. I mean, I get holding onto my head or rubbing my eyebrows so much they hurt later, well not really, but sometimes the pain makes me all Hulk-y.

Anyway, I'm pretty blase about people seeing my body. To my sister's chagrin. I have shorts that are just longer than underwear that I never wear anywhere and only wear when I'm hot (oh that narrows it down) but does she want me sitting around in just my panties? And why are panties so much more scandalous than a bathing suit bottom? Eh, I tried swimming in the hotel pool this summer and realized I couldn't because I still use my fingers to plug my nose and there's a piercing in the way. Oh well, less chances to turn into a lobster.

Sunburn! Tore my back up but good in June 04. The first real day of vay-cay, we're at the beach, settled into the condo, I'm playing and having so much fun until little Miss Kill Joy shrieks at me, "Kaitlyn you're so RED!" Suddenly, PAIN!!!! Salt water, sand help help help. So I spent most of the days with no top on and later with no bra on under a big loose shirt.

Just no shame, whatsoever.

Oh, after spring break, I talked to a girl whose hand was burnt, but only on the top and it stopped below her wrist in a sharp line. When I asked how that happened, she said she forgot to put sunscreen on it. Needless to say, I put sunscreen on, but never enough and never often enough so the first day of any swimming/outdoors summer thing ends with me burnt to a crisp. The next day, if it's not too bad, I can swim with a t-shirt on, like I did at camp. Ooh, sunburn while camping - fun. Actually, the sleeping bags made of nylon (smooth, like a windbreaker or something) rather than warm cloth ones actually felt nice. I remember lying with nothing on my back (in the tent of course!) with my back against the sleeping bag. It helped some, but waking up in a ball in the corner never did. (I'd fall asleep on the air mattress but rarely wake up there.)

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