Stupid Question Alert #2

Why do some people leave their newspapers in their driveways for days?

There are a few people in our neighborhood, one just a few houses down the street in particular, that usually has 4 or 5 orange bags in the driveway.

I don't get it.

Whoever lives there is not out of town, because the cars are coming and going every day. Which also means they're not stuck in the house by disease or injury.

They paid good money for this subscription. Why let it sit outside where it can be stolen?

I can understand if they have a high pressure job and don't have time to read the paper until the weekend, but that still doesn't explain why the paper is left outside. It takes less than a minute to run out, grab it, and toss it in the house or car.

Also, what is up with this constant situation that I see in MAD magazine, one comic in a 30+ year old Archie, and a commercial for a casino about an unlucky guy?

It involves going outside the house early in the morning to get the paper, or in the second case, to talk to someone.

The door always slams shut.

And it is always locked, and they have no hide-a-key, no backdoor or a locked one, and no common sense.

Because, in addition to being locked out until other people wake up or come home or come over with the key you lent them, you are naked, in your underwear, in your pajamas, or just anything embarassing.

I even think it shows up in the new movie Evan Almighty. I so want to see it - I've loved Carrell since he's loved lamp. However, I don't believe in God, though I do believe that Morgan Freeman exists and is a wonderful actor and quite handsome for his age (older than me), and even if I did, the story of Noah's Ark is insane and impossible and should only be taken as a story. God loved the world, so he killed everyone but Noah and his family. That's not love, that's abuse. (Law and Order SVU rules.)

Anyways, the same thing shows up in a commercial - he's naked, getting the paper! And he doesn't live in the boonies, so someone sees him.


My question is just why? And has this ever happened to anybody?

Why would you lock the door if you're going to the end of the driveway or even just a few feet away from the door?

Why lock it and not have a key?

And why go out in your underwear or nothing where people can see you? It's called a robe, or a long t-shirt, sheesh.

I go out and get the paper in my pjs all the time.

I never lock the front door, I'm just going to the driveway!

This weekend, we're taking in our next door neighbor's paper and mail. This morning, I was the only one up, and I had my pjs on - purple pirate pants, Joe's Crab Shack white T-shirt, and blue and gray sports bra that must show through the shirt. And no shoes! No makeup, hair's a mess.

I leave the door unlocked and open (screen door shut, though, it's summer and I'm not an idiot) and walk to my neighbor's driveway to pick up her paper.

What was I thinking?

If we were collecting the paper for someone who lived more than a few houses away, I would lock the front door.

And leave the back unlocked, with a dog outside or in.

Why does this happen?

How?

Does it?

Lots of stupid questions.

Please answer them.

Or I will be confused for life and flunk out of college and amount to nothing. Do you want that on your conscience?