Letter to My Representative

I just wrote this:

I am a member of your constituency, and I just want you to know that I do not support the repeal of the health care bill. I'm 22, and I have an ongoing illness. Even if it cleared up before I turn 23 in August when I'll be dropped from my dad's insurance (Tricare), I will have to take medicine for the rest of my life. Being covered by my mom's insurance (Cigna) until I'm 26 will make my life much easier. The Affordable Care Act doesn't go as far as I'd like, but it will make my life easier and much better than it would have been before it was passed. Even though this repeal vote is symbolic, it still frightens me. I need this and I'm not the only one in your district who does.

I'll post the reply, even if it's just a form letter.

My representative is a Republican who is a fiscal conservative and supports limited government. He's also a social conservative, but my main concern is the fiscal part. I didn't check what party he belongs to before I wrote the letter, but now I'm 99% sure I'll get a form letter about how "Obamacare" will bankrupt us, even though it won't, and blah blah blah bullshit bullshit.

If he represents the area I think he does, his "limited government" stance cracks me up, though I'm not completely comfortable revealing why. Let's just say it's very hypocritical and a sign that people don't pay attention to their representative's stance beyond party. Also, he may be a Tea Partier, but I don't think he is, or at least he didn't say or do anything to get us on the national news, so that's a plus.

One last thing about this whole thing - my dad says "No soldier wants their kid insured until 26," which is completely false, Tricare was exempt because of a budget misunderstanding and changing it to cover dependents until they're 26 is tied up with defense stuff, and it looks like it didn't make it. Bleh. Anyway, my dad. Some people would make exemptions for their family, like somebody anti-abortion, except for them! At least my dad is consistent, he doesn't think I should be on Tricare past this August and kept asking me if they'd dropped me because I wasn't in school full time this fall. So loving!

I don't want to go on Cigna, the copays are double for appointments. At least I'll keep my doctors. And I won't need referrals! Those are a pain. I've been seeing one doctor since November 2001, but still need a referral. And since I only see him twice a year or so, I have to get one before each appointment. At least I don't need to see my PCM, I can just call them. But Cigna is better than nothing!

I'm fat.

And I recently gained a lot of weight like super fast - not oh, 10 pounds snuck up on me - but 30-40 came in a few weeks, complete with raised stretch marks.

I am on at least 3 medications that cause weight gain - one of them is my birth control and since periods are murder, no. Another is new and it has given me control over my moods, well as much control as humans can have. My extreme moods have reasons behind them. Being thinner < being happy.

I still remember when this happened in 10th grade. I think it was in Math (2nd period) and I looked at a thin girl older than me and I realized that my weight had nothing to do with 99% of my life. My grades, my social life, my relationship with my family (that makes me quite lucky, I've learned)... none of this would change if I lost weight. They might even get worse, as I chase friends away by counting things, and focusing on my diet instead of homework. Or getting sick (dizzy, light headed) from not enough food makes doing homework hard as well. (As I noticed over the last 2 semesters with the medication.)

A "normal" weight would not make me a better person.

Someone who doesn't know me could say that I'm not a social person because of my weight, but that's BS. I know fat kids and teenagers and adults have friends and boy/girlfriends. I remember being at a friend's birthday party before my weight went up (puberty and thyroid) and I was bored silly. I've always preferred books, and now the internet.

Anyways -

I am in love with the new ABCFamily show "Huge," starring Nikky Blonsky. It's about a fat camp, but the actors can't lose weight in a predictable manner over the show (especially since some are teenagers not done with puberty yet!) which is good. The show made me tear up by the second episode. It's sweet and funny.

And even though the premise is all about weight, when most of the characters we see (minus the trainers and the woman in charge) are fat, they become more than punch lines or sassy friends of skinny women.

The main trainer is horrid, which is the point. One kid needed to catch his breath on the camp's first run/walk thing and she says no and makes him do 25 jumping jacks. He said "I can't." But if he could breathe, he would have said, "I need to rest now, I can't breathe." I assume.

But they also discuss the importance of stretching later on - so they do mean it when they talk about health, at least in some ways.

It's also so realistic - there are so many different ways people are fat and we see this here.

And the second episode broke a stereotype on national teevee - a fat kid who is obsessed with basketball and is good at it and all that jazz.

I'm looking forward to the next episode.

I first heard about it on Jezebel, when they posted clips from the pilot and reviewed it. They also did one for the second episode, but there were less comments this time.

Another reviewer is Iced Tea and Lemon Cake. First episode, second episode. She talks a lot about the fat issues in the show, especially gym in the 2nd episode, which was a big part of that episode.

The best reviews I've seen, hands down, are at Fatshionista. First, second.

Just like women supposedly say "I'm a character from Sex and the City," I'm going to say I'm Becca, the black girl who's always reading. I also think I'm a bit like Will (her goal is to gain weight there), but I don't like having people mad at me if it's not worth it, so I wouldn't do an OTT strip-tease within the first hours of the camp.

It repeats a lot on ABCFamily, it's at their website, and on Hulu. And probably *cough* other websites for people outside America...

Bad Commercial

There's a commercial out now about a mom with kids who play hockey.

She starts her day by taking 2 OTC Tylenol. Then she takes 2 again and again, following the directions.

The she sees an ad for Aleve, and the next day, just takes 2 in the morning! Huzzah!


If she has to take painkillers daily - even OTC - something is wrong. I don't think Aleve and Tyelonel are meant to be taken daily like Vitamin D or something. It just sends the wrong message - the OTC manages my pain, so it's not really a problem. (Plus, as a mom, she doesn't have TIME to go to the doctor. Despite the husband.)

Also, every body is different - some people may not react to Aleve. Others may get nothing from Tylenol.

But in Aleve commercials, only a sucker takes Tylenol, because you take 8 a day, hahahaha, you loser.

I hate commercials for medication, that's a given. Now I'm hating ads for OTC medications.

One more - a bunch of adults talking about being pain-free without pills. I perk up. A man is holding a white pill bottle. He tells us how it works - heated patches for your back. They're talking about minor muscle pain.

Sigh.

I'm especially dour because I increased my new medication to 3 times a day (it's supposed to be 2 times a day, but it still hurt a lot, a lot of "breakthrough" pain)... and my pain has shot up which makes no damn sense. I am sick of pain and summer and fireworks.

But summer means no classes and sleeping in and being with the puppies and getting Netflix when it's supposed to come and being as lazy as I want to be.

I just wish it was 50 degrees cooler.

Blogging Against Disablism Day 2010

Because of various issues related to my disability, I cannot sit down and write a post about Blogging Against Disablism Day or something in general, abstract. I cannot think properly due to pain and the side effects of medication.

So I'm throwing up a link to the site, which includes a round-up of various posts dealing with disabilities/chronic illnesses and how much society just SUCKS when dealing with them.


Blogging Against Disablism Day 2010

Pajama Jeans and ableism

So I was wasting time, I mean, visiting other websites so I could learn more about the world. Wasting time.

One site I check out daily or so is Odee.com. It's like Cracked, only there's less funny commentary - most of the things presented in the lists are done without comment, or just a basic description. Like today's is a compilation of photobombs, and there is no writing, just the pictures and links to the sources.

Yesterday was "12 Strangest Jeans" and one of them really caught my attention and made me go, I want that!

Number 11 is "The Pajama Jeans" and the write-up isn't very mean or anything -

Hate having to change out of your SpongeBob pajamas when all you want to do is eat at the hotel's breakfast buffet before heading back to your bunk?

Of course, as a college student, I see nothing wrong with wearing said SpongeBob pants out and about. However, I am quite dignified and only wear my pj pants on Saturdays, my laundry day. I figure if they get dirty, no big deal. I thought it was funny last Saturday, as I walked towards and then with a big tour group - "Look, it's a college student in pajamas! Just like on the teevee!"

Right now I rotate weekly between a blue plaid pair with my name on the leg and a just a pair of black loose drawstring pants. My awesome neon green plaid pants (with a pocket!) had some holes in bad places, and I was mature enough to throw them out. (I did wear those to class maybe last spring or the fall before - I'd slept through my first class and it was 15 minutes or so into my French class. I threw my old ratty jacket on over my PJs and went to class. I wear a bra to bed, but it's looser than the ones I wear with clothes.)

Here is the infomercial:



I want these pants. I have 4 pairs of jeans - expensive, good quality, but I haven't worn them in at least a year due to pain. Yes, I'm fat and my weight has gone up, but even if I went out and bought jeans that fit (which is what I did with these 4), they'd still hurt because of the waistband. And if they didn't hurt, I'd be holding on to them because I didn't consult my male cousin on how to dress in jeans that are too big for your body.

I do not understand the hatred for sweatpants or yoga pants. When I think of sweat pants, I think of the sweat suits we wore in Iceland - cuffed at the leg and wrist, and purple (for me, I think) or pink.

I do not think of comfortable cloth pants that have a little flare at the end, like itsy bitsy bell bottoms.

I do not get the hatred for pants like that. If it's not khaki, denim, or part of a suit, it's either "yoga pants," "sweats," or "pajamas" and they are just icky. For the record, none of my pants have "juicy" across the butt.

Those kind of pants are very comfortable for me, due to my abdominal and pelvic pain. I imagine they're comfortable for other people with physical disabilities, any that would make buttoning/zipping a hassle, and people who have enough trouble getting dressed (for whatever reason) and want as few steps as possible.

So I want these pants. I don't have enough comfy pants, and I do miss wearing jeans and look! pockets! It's more variety in my wardrobe!

And not that's it anyone's business, but, despite the name, they would not be pajama pants. They're too fancy! When I don't have school, I try to get dressed. And it's important to have a division between pajamas and "dressed" clothes, especially since most of my pajamas are "dressed" clothes, just in different colors. (Bra*, panties, pants/shorts, t-shirt/tank top) It's an important thing, part of a ritual, and also important when depression has me in its grip. "Look, I got dressed! I did something!"

So I googled pajama pants, because the link was just a site saying "Hey, check these out!" The first link was to the official website, the second to the commercial, and the third, ooh, the title alone pissed me off, I just had to click on it. It said "What do 'pajama jeans' say about Americans?"

I knew the answer - we're fat and lazy - before even clicking. But I had to.

First of all, he says they seem like a "hoax" SNL commercial.

He then quotes another crueler blogger who says that the pants say, "I'm an idiot who can't deal with even the most mundane of day-to-day adult responsibility like a pair of jeans that are secretly pajamas."

And they're lumped in with the snuggie and footie pajamas (not for me, my feet always got too hot) as a sign of how lazy and indulgent we are, because we need even more things for lounging around the house in.

Plus, these are expensive, at $40 US. I say if they last and they're comfy, they're not too expensive.

I can't figure out where this guy is going - we're lazy and we're so lazy we're going to spend $40 on pajamas that look like jeans.

The ableism is there the whole time, and he does call the pants "crazy" (as opposed to expensive velour sweats) because they are pajamas.

But the final sentence pissed me off so much.

Exactly. If you can't get out of your pajamas to go out of the house, and have to buy pajamas that look like jeans, then don't leave the house.

Excuse me, I should not even leave the house? Well, fuck you very much Aaron Crowe.

Oh, no, I just had to keep looking. The comments at another site are disgusting - sizeist (only gross fatties wear sweats), classist (it will free up space in the trailer... WTF?), and just ugh.

The actual post is disgusting on its own, the comments just make it worse. (Though yay for the people saying, nope, I disagree those look comfy.) These pants make the author ANGRY and that you need to GROW UP because you are DOING SOMETHING WRONG if you even think of wanting these. (All caps his.)

The ableism and privilege on display at these two sites are disgusting.

And no one has told me why wearing sweats out and about is so disgusting. They cover everything (including my pale, hairy legs) and they're not going to attack you in your $100 designer jeans and make you look like me. People associate them with sleep (which is gross, I guess?) or exercise (so you sweat) and assume that if you wear them anywhere but bed or the gym, that you're too lazy to change. Because they know everything about you! Assumptions are fun, y'all!

And aren't skinny pants and leggings worse on a "bad pants" scale? Sweats are loose, but leggings can give you "moose knuckle" or "camel toe". Not that I care, no one's forcing me to wear them, and no is forcing you to wear sweats.

I wasn't paid by anybody to write this (one day... nah, never going to happen), but I seriously want a pair of these. XL, in case the pajama jeans people are reading.



*Anyone ever hear you can't wear a bra to bed or your boobs will stop growing? I wish. Something that isn't a myth but drives me up the wall is body hair and shaving. I don't shave my legs - it's too much hassle, hello I can't see! But there are parts on my calves where I did shave a few times, and you can tell the difference because the hair that grew back is indeed a different texture and a bit darker. Considering how pale my legs are, it really stands out. But I don't care. As for pits? I've been shaving them for years, and those hairs definitely come back jet black and hard.

Medication for Bipolar Disorder and TV Shows

Disclaimer - I am not saying people should be forced to take medication. I am talking about my experience with one drug and my objections to how my situation (and part of my life) is portrayed on TV.

I have bipolar disorder.

It's never been formally diagnosed, and I haven't taken an internet test to "prove" it. I just know. It's more than "just" depression.

I started a new medication about a month ago. My doctor said it was anti-seizure, and he wanted to see if it would work on my pain, since my pain is most likely nerve-related, and I'm pretty sure nerves have something to do with seizures. (But I'm not a doctor!)

I asked at FWD if anyone had any experience on it. (I know, I won't look up a new drug, but I'll ask people online. I don't understand it either. I'm weird.) One person said it had been prescribed for their moods, not pain, and it was working. *file info away for later*

It's done zilch for my pain. The last two weeks have been hell, as has the last month and the month before... the pain's getting worse.

BUT.

It has worked on my mood swings. I saw the prescribing doctor today and I was trying to describe the continued effects and one word I used was "stable" as in, I'm stable. He said that was key, that was very important. It makes me happy to see and feel the results of a medication, particularly a daily one. (I can tell when the benadryl workzzzzzzzz.)

I've been on anti-depressants for a few years, and Clonazepem, which is a something or other.

But this is the first time I've noticed a real change. Actually, I didn't notice until Mom pointed out that I had changed, and then I was like huh, so I have.

Before, it was like... possession. Now, when I get angry or sad, it's organic. (Weird way to put it, it's all in my head anyway.) In 2006, I had my first bout of suicidal ideation. The best term for the thoughts was "alien," even though I still don't fully understand what I meant or what those thoughts meant.

But with my mood swings, the "alien" idea made more sense. A better metaphor is a switch. A switch is flicked, I get so pissed off. Switched again, I don't want to do anything. Switched again, back to baseline. No control. Which got a bit annoying, because I'd be mad at somebody. They'd get mad at me for being mad at them for no reason. Then I'd get mad at them for being mad at me when I had no control over the original anger!

Now, the part about TV. People who have bipolar disorder on cop shows never want to take their medication because it puts them in a fog, or they can't feel anything. (Also, people with "TV schizophrenia" do this as well.)

I can't speak for anyone but myself, because nobody is alike, and no brain is either. You may react to this same drug in a horrible way, I don't know.

I just don't like the dominant storyline that medications for bipolar disorder are inherently bad. One blog post won't dispel the myth, but I really wanted to write this.

Another metaphor - I was the rope in a tug of war, being jerked from side to side. Or I was in my sister's car. Zing!

ETA: Another problem with the dominant cultural storyline is that it leads to fear of medication (again, not pushing it for everyone), fear of even trying it, and assumptions made about bipolar people who do choose medication. Perhaps if the narrative was more realistic, people would be less afraid to admit they have bipolar disorder. I mean, I'm taking a big risk by saying it here. Depression is gradually being accepted, I feel, though some people will say one day, "I understand" and the next tell you to just smile. Sigh.

Another letter to the school paper!

Speaking about money issues, this school does not go out of its way to be accessible to students with disabilities.

The elevator in Dunn is still broken, the 3rd floor is still inaccessible, and Dunn has some very steep, vertigo-inducing stairs.

Today, I was in Jones, luckily only on the first floor. Because their ONE elevator is broken as well. They say it may be fixed by next week, but it shouldn't be broken with no alternatives.

Too many buildings on campus have just one old elevator. The dorms aren't much better - in Richardson, one is constantly broken and there have been times when both are broken.

Last week, I was in the brand new waste of money called the UC, and the big glass elevators in the center were, you guessed it, broken. There are others in the UC, making it an exception. Too bad we don't have class there.

One thing we must do in addition to fixing the elevators in Dunn and Jones is adding a second one. Do you know what it's like to feel stranded because the elevator is broken and you're in too much pain to walk down 3 dizzy flights of stairs?

Also, the school does not help those with mobility issues who do not need a wheelchair. Sometimes, I cannot walk because of my pain. But if it's before 6pm and I need to get to class, I'm SOL.

Finally, people who park in front of the curb cuts are not disciplined enough, because they keep doing it. They are so important they can just impede a person's progress because they couldn't be bothered to find a legal parking spot?

This school's priorities disgust me sometimes.

Dunn's second floor is accessible through the building next door, but it doesn't really help me when I'm trying to conserve energy and move as little as possible, because I have to walk the length of the psych building twice.

I'll let you know if there's a response.

There's been some recent back and forth - a student wrote in decrying the waste of money that is the UC (and more proposed renovations - but only for dining stuff, because it's from Aramark so the money can't be used in a sensible way) and the lack of books in the campus library. An official wrote back (in the paper) saying, Aramark blah blah we do our best go Tigers. Another student's letter was published today saying, essentially, So? We don't pay our professors well, we don't use our money wisely.

I wonder if mine will be published.

ETA: I got a call on my (now MIA) phone today. The letter won't be published.

Because they're doing an article on the subject. Parts of my letter will be used in the article, along with the short phone conversation.

Exciting!

ETA2: Paper's out. The letter is printed. But someone did call me, and my phone number isn't on my FB or anything, it was with the letter form. Maybe they didn't have room, who knows?

"Long meals make (for) short lives."

I'm not sure on the exact wording, but I know it included "long meals" and "short lives". I don't remember if it was "Long meals make short lives" or "Long meals make for short lives."

Both on google turn up cookbooks and stuff on hair.

No picture. Hmm, I could take my laptop and lift the offending napkin holder up to its computer, but the place where I saw it is closed today and they may have removed it.

Basically, they used to insert ads for stuff on campus, especially food, on the sides of a the napkin holders. But now it's all "healthy" BS - stop eating you fattie, get healthy.

The quote is attributed to nobody but "a proverb." No sources!

Anyways, even if I could find said "proverb," I'd still be mad at the fat-shaming and food policing.

But what gets me - and makes me write a blog post about it - is that it makes no damn sense at all, outside of guilting fat students, thin ones, "average ones", and makes us really think about our food.

I like food because it tastes good and fills me up, and sometimes when I eat within 30 minutes of a pain pill, it helps the medication work better. The food also keeps me alive, as it does for everyone. Certain foods don't, depending on allergies or whatever, but we need food for living. Even zombies eat!

Anyway, here are the problems with the "proverb" -

No country or time given, so I assume it was a diet guru who said it.

When  proverbs were written or said, most people did not have access to excess food. It's only recently in human history that all classes can eat to gluttony. (While the relatively rich people of the world starve themselves.) And it's not even true across the world, or the country, or my state, my county, my city - I'm sorry, people have "food insecurity."

And mealtimes have long been considered important for socialization - and not just with the nuclear family. It's a way to schmooze, get free food (as a guest), get to know people, make business/political connections (even back in Roman/Greek times). Mealtimes are important.

"Long" meals are important as well. When my family (after the divorce, when he was still there it was compulsory. If he showed up, we'd all scramble to make it look like we never left the table.) eats at the table, be it at home or at a restaurant, we take longer than when mom makes a pot of delicious mac and cheese and we come and go as we please. We talk about things. That is considered a good thing, especially as your children get older. It's a way to connect and be a family. Of course, it's not the only way, but it's a good routine way, and I think calling it bad is just wrong. And then there's dinner with friends or extended family, the plates are empty, but who cares, we're busy yakking.

Another thing that makes a meal "long" is taking your time, which is often encouraged for a number of reasons, but I'm sure it's been encouraged as a way to lose weight, because everything you do either makes you gain weight and become a bad person or makes you lose weight and become a good one.

The so-called proverb makes no damn sense if you think about it, which I believe we're supposed to do. FAIL

ETA - do check out The Fat Nutritionist website.

ETA2 - I saw it again, and I was totally wrong. "To lengthen your life, shorten your meals." Google turned up nothing, with "to lengthen your life" - except 7 foods to lengthen your life.

ETA3 - looking it up with the quotation marks turned it up, but no source besides "proverb." The first result - not linking to such a hate-filled site, is called
"Weight loss with your food addiction" And it's under "diet" quotes and proverbs, but no damn source, country, or time.

So I was wrong about the quote, they did find it somewhere, but the analysis still stands. It's bullshit.

The Daily Helmsman pissed me off today.

I can't find the article on their website.

The article is basically fine - trying to start a "safe space" for GLBTQ students on campus.

Apparently, when students "expressed discomfort in class at the discrimination, they were sent to psychological services."

That is a terrible thing - homosexuality was removed from the DSM, remember? It's bad thing because queer kids aren't getting what they need, not because psych services are necessarily bad.

But the following quote was the one above the fold in big bold letters, so that's what I saw when I grabbed the paper.

"Going to the psychology building to say you're gay is like going to say you're crazy."

I'm e-mailing the paper and thinking of looking up the quoted student (a freshman, so she doesn't know any better) but damn, Talk about an insult. (I won't contact her.)

Here's the letter I'm sending:

The article in Friday's paper was hurtful and offensive. It is wrong to send GLBTQ students to psychological services, not because needing psychological services is something to be ashamed of, but because it is outdated thinking on the part of the school, and does not help our GLBTQ students at all.

However, I grabbed the paper today and staring me in the face was the pull quote.

"Going to the psychology building to say you're gay is like going to say you're crazy."

I go the psychology building. I get therapy there. There is nothing wrong with being crazy. The ablist tones in the article were disgusting.

There is no safe space or student group for students who are neuroatypical, who suffer from depression.

I support gay rights in any way I can, but I can't be quiet when I'm insulted. I am crazy, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Oh - their website - The Daily Helmsman

ETA - article is finally up - Students seek LGBT safe zone

And I got an e-mail response to my letter. My concerns are "invalid" and they didn't mean to insult people with mental health problems, so it won't be published.

An Assamese Song

I'm sorry I don't have any more information.

I think it's Assamese. That's all I've got.

Information about Assamese movies and music is very hard to find. Hindi? A breeze. Tamil? Still easy. Telugu? Yup. Kannada? A bit harder. Punjabi? Not too hard. Malayalam? A bit harder - and it doesn't help that spelling changes a lot, especially for non-Hindi films. (I'm sure they're spelled one way in Tamil/Telugu/Assamese/etc, but when they're transliterated, it all goes out the window. How many letters is needed?

I am feeling a bit stressed, because I am staring down the barrel of my own health insurance in about 18 months. If I go to PT tomorrow and they say yes, they think they can help, I could be seriously SOL. Not because I don't want it to work, but because it takes time, especially with something as murky as "feminine" problems possibly coupled with abdominal wall pain. So 6 months - no more pain! Or, er, try again? Except in 6 months, I'll be a year away from health insurance and the end of college (I hope). I won't have time for alternate ideas, like a hysterectomy. I can do one this summer, no problem. I don't think I'd have time next winter break (only 4-5 weeks), and next summer, I'd still be insured until August, except I can't have a lapse in coverage unless I'm incredibly rich, due to all my prescriptions, which require at least yearly visits to specialists. Oh well, with no insurance, I won't need referrals, so I can go straight to the specialist.

I seriously hate this country's medical industry. Health insurance should not be tied to your job (and your worth as a person shouldn't be tied to it either, but that's for another day) and the words "pre-existing condition" should not exist. Yes, I'll cost you money. No profit on the Kaitlyn file!

And since I hate this country, I'd love to move (except no more Netflix, first world sacrifices are hard) but what do I have to offer to Canada or the UK? Or Japan or France? Or any g-d country that takes care of its citizens? The quickest way to immigrate seems to be through work.

Let's look at that - I'd have to get a job and be good enough that they'd consider sending me overseas. I may get insurance (with high premiums) through this job. I can't work unless my pain is stable, and my pain isn't legally stable without insurance (or a lottery pay out).

Yes, I am an ungrateful little socialist brat. Most people have health insurance through work (their's, their spouse's, their parents) so they don't care. "I got mine, Jack, eff off!" I'm also selfish - "I DON'T got mine, Jack, help!" But by helping me, millions of others would get help.

I voted for Obama, so if I vote D in the midterms, I'll get insurance. (Of course Ds in Tennessee makes Rs look Democratic.)

So I've said it - I hate this place, I want to move. A little assistance, please? I mean, you'll be glad to be rid of me, since I'm such an ungrateful little commie.

It's really in all our best interest if I'm deported as soon as possible. My mom was in Canada and Japan before I was born, and I lived in Italy and Iceland as a child - pick one! Canada is my first choice, thanks!

My Name Is Khan partial review

I'm terrible with reviews, we all know that.

And I can't talk about My Name is Khan as a whole without spoiling it, plus I'm never sure what is and what is not a spoiler, so here are my thoughts on what worried me the most going in. (Not terrorism, terrorism in America, or immigrants in America - that's been done so many times in Bollywood.)

The title character has Asperger's Syndrome (AS). The director is Karan Johar - I've seen most of his movies and love them (Dostana is hilarious, though clearly in a parallel America where a man in a military uniform can admit to being gay!), but other people paid to review films don't always love his movies. They are emotionally manipulative, and subtle as a two by four upside your head. But some things don't need to be subtle. Plus, (for me) it was a good cry. I identified with these fictional characters and cried, I didn't have flashbacks to bad times like I did with Taare Zameen Par (which dealt with dyslexia).

Anyways, this will be the third time I've posted these comments. I originally posted them in the Chatterday open thread at FWD because another commenter asked for my thoughts.

Then I c&p'd it for Bollywhat when someone asked in the spoiler thread how AS was treated.

I haven't read professional reviews, but I have read what other members of BollyWHAT have said about the movie. It's not universally loved, but everyone loved SRK's performance and the problems in the movie have nothing to do with AS and how it's portrayed, but other things.

Here is what I wrote soon after seeing it:

Onto the Asperger’s Syndrome. Rizvan Khan (SRK) takes the time in the first half to introduce himself to the people at Mandira’s (Kajol) job – this is what he has, this is who it’s named after, he is not “pagal”, he is smart. At one point, Mandira tells him to stop with this “loop” and the “encyclopedia.”

He takes things literally, which is why he’s doing what he’s doing – he can’t go home until he does what Mandira tells him to do. (which comes after a heart wrenching scene – so quiet in the theater) He hates the color yellow and loud sounds. He also repeats what people say when he can’t come up with something himself (especially related to emotions) or he reverts back to the encyclopedia.

He can repair almost anything, so his “genius” overshadows his brother, resentment, etc, but his mother loves him and gets him a private tutor because the other students at school are jerks.

We see two tools he uses so the world isn’t too much – ear plugs, of course, but a video camera, because as his SIL tells him (she teaches psychology and gets him an official diagnosis), it’s like the world is on TV, so it won’t be so scary. (This is soon after he moves to America, San Francisco, noise people noise!)

What was really touching was the disclaimer at the beginning – something like this is not the definitive behavior for AS, this is a fictional story about one man.

He is not cured, he does not “overcome” his disability, and he is the main character, he does not teach those around him to “live life to the fullest.” He does help people, but not because he’s autistic, but because he helps them. By doing things. Like… *drumroll* anybody else!

So there were some iffy moments (so much jammed in the last 30 minutes) but overall, a great movie and I think a great representation of somebody with Asperger’s.

And I thought it would be cool to put a kind of review on my blog.

The bolded part is the most important to me - PWD are inspiring just because they have disabilities in most pop culture narratives and movies. Rizvan is inspiring because of what he does, because of what happens to him, but not because he has AS.

Schooled by Anisha Lakhani

Schooled is shaping up to be a good, funny book. (The parts about Lifetime movies had me laughing and annoying my mom by reading them to her.)

The main character is a first year teacher, fresh out of Columbia, at an exclusive private school. I've only made it to the orientation week, before she meets the students.

Right now, she has to read the student's files.

One child has a peanut allergy, "acute, life-threatening peanut allergies. You are responsible if so much as a peanut, or anything in the vicinity of a peanut, enters the classroom. He could die."

Also in the file is the fact that his father had an affair, his family is rich, etc etc.

On the next page, the main character mentally describes the future student as "an overindulged child who would probably think nothing of the sacrifice I would have to make in giving up my peanut M&Ms addiction lest I so much as breathe on him."

I can't get over this sentence. I can't tell if the writer wants us to go what the fuck is wrong with this woman or agree with her, because it's so hard to not eat candy during the school day.

It just really rubs me the wrong way. The kid is undeniably "overindulged," but it has nothing to do with his allergy. And the fact that the writer used to be a teacher...

Of course, this is like complaining because the serial killer on the TV kicked a puppy. I can accept the greater "bad" premise, but little things feel wrong.

Or maybe it's a sign of the character's immaturity?

I mean, what the fuck? It's so hard to make sure one of your students doesn't die.

Pain medication

3 Idiots was an almost perfect painkiller - except for some pain from the pants and upright position about halfway through, I was all wrapped up in the story and because it was at the theatre, unable to pause and move around, causing myself more pain.

(3 Idiots is really good - I laughed, I cried, I wrote a cliche.)

But the worst pain killer is my pain medication.

I requested a liver test this year (just another thing to test when the vampires take my blood) and everything was fine.

But.

I react to medications very quickly - within a week or so, what "should" take a month to work, has already worked and stopped working for me. So I build up a tolerance to pain medication quickly.

And run into so many headaches - why are you out of this a week before your appointment?

Because if I followed your directions, I'd be in the ER!

But that's "angry," don't "yell," or "I'm leaving." (Way to be supportive Mom - yes I over analyzed everything, I've been dealing with horrid pain for a week! Because I followed the directions.)

So the polite thing is to just grit my teeth and explain for what feels like the millionth time that "One pill does not last 6 hours."

And of course it's fucking invisible. When I had visible indicators of pain, no one quibbled.

The worst part is that over the last couple weeks, I have been denied the one "safe" place for the people with chronic pain - the bed. Laying down hurts. Taking a deep breath hurts.

I am so tired, and not just because it is 3 am. (Wasn't I going to watch a Punjabi movie a million years ago?)

My depression is mean.

I am behind in school work.

I am in pain.

I do not need to be all weepy and tired and blah.

My stomach obeyed me last week when I wanted deviled eggs. Why won't my body listen now?

Anyways, I'm reading the comics. It's not quite as fun as taking the Sunday paper apart (after walking or riding my bike to get it) and getting to the comics last, around noon and spreading it out on the floor and gazing at the colors...

And no, you can't read the comics until I do! Why are you up anyways?

Back to the comics.

Today's Curtis made me laugh.



For some reason, Curtis always shrinks when I post it here. So in the interest of saving your peepers (and make my little read blog more accessible), here is a transcript (I used to have HTML skills, but I'm afraid this is too much for an ALT text):

1st panel - Inside. Michelle is walking away from Curtis, saying, "I am a child born for the limelight!"

2nd panel - Still inside. Michelle is facing Curtis. She is saying, "I used to crawl hearing Smokey and Little Richard! I took my first steps to Quincy and DeBarge!"

3rd panel - The bottom is curly, this is an illustration of a memory. It shows the baby Michelle - with huge eyes - tap dancing. Michelle's head is floating near the top and she continues, "When I was two, my mother enrolled me in dance class. I was a natural!"

4th panel - Back to the present, still inside. Michelle has her back to Curtis, she is angry because, "I was cast on the "Muppet Show" but was let go 'cause Miss Piggy was threatened by my flair for talent!"

Curtis responds, winking, "Can't upstage th' pig!"

It's the last panel. Particularly Curtis's response. Miss Piggy is THE diva of divas.

Maybe I don't really enjoy Curtis and say I do so I can be like, look at me, I'm reading a comic about black folks! I ain't racist. Where ya'll going? /bad southern accent

I don't know. Curtis doesn't make me laugh a lot, but there's this sweetness about it and an originality and creativity (have you seen the Kwanzaa strips?) that has little to do with the race of the characters. They live in the city. Money is tight. But they never age. Michelle and Curtis will never get together. The hat will never come off.

And that's ok.

In other news, today's Cracked is SO AWESOME! It's called "6 Mental Illness Myths Hollywood Wants You to Believe." So. Cool. (Even though it's riddled with errors, I think Cracked is pretty big. An article like this will hopefully change one person's mind.)

Also, this made me laugh, even though I nothing about old or new school video games. (I played the Sims. Not the Sims 2!)

Living at home does not make you a bum, Judge Judy.

I only watch Judge Judy (and other judge shows) with my mom. I couldn't stand them by myself.

On today's episode, I only paid attention to the beginning. She asked somebody where his brother was. Turns out the brother was back home. Not because of work, since he doesn't work. He's 19 and lives with Mom.

Making him a bum.

Judge Judy is very rude to people who live at home beyond what age she deems appropriate. I remember many episodes where she ends it by saying, "Grow up and move out of your mom's house! *bangs gavel*"

Then there is the joke of "nerds" in their mother's basement. (Never their father's, or their parents'. Always mother's.)

It's a shortcut to calling somebody immature.

So I read Slate - I like the ad and shopping reviews - and this caught my eye a couple weeks ago. The headline is "Prudie counsels a husband-to-be whose bride wants her own bedroom—and other advice seekers." The main issue I took away is not that the bride wants her own bedroom, but that she's never lived alone. And she's a "woman old enough to marry."

The comments were disgusting. Many people had no problem with separate bedrooms, but others called the bride (that they only know about through her fiance's letter) immature.

My first thought was hello, not every culture shoves their kids out at 18.

But as I started reading FWD/Forward and this entry, I realized the other problems with the response to the letter and the idea of living at home once you become an "adult."

There are many valid reasons to live at home after the magical age of 18. One of the many reasons is health - some of us cannot and should not live alone. I live in the dorm while I'm at school, but right now I am at home because of the kidney stone. For one thing, I'll be less tempted to try to go to class. It's not more convenient for Mom, but I feel miserable and I get to see my puppies! Mikey is a trip - he totally beat Mom up tonight. And right now he's sleeping on her butt, quite happy.

Then there is my mother's health - what if she were in my flipflops? I'd want somebody to be with her. I'd feel I should take care of her.

I think there is a problem with America - we place so much importance on certain markers of "independence" that those who do not follow the rules are "immature" and "weird." We also do not place a lot of emphasis on family. No, I don't want to move in my with husband's family, but I don't want to be demonized for living with my mom at 21.

And not having a job.

And not driving. (That is a pain. My sister drops the issue for a while, but it's back up again - "Why don't you drive?" "Because I don't want to" is not a valid answer in her eyes, and admittedly, if I were to stay here, I'd have to drive. But I don't want to - I want to live some place where a combination of walking and public transportation can do a car's job for me. Plus, I don't think I legally can drive, thanks to all my medications.)

It is nobody's business why people live like they do, and as long as no one is being hurt or any laws are being broken, no one has a right to judge.

I am not a bum because I live with my mother.

I am not immature, either.

And it is none of your business why I do it. (Except I already told you. Eh, shut it.)

Time for a Bollywood movie!

The health care "debate" is pissing me off.

I like the "birther" movement. They're idiots. The "mother" went on the Colbert Report and said they wouldn't go away until Obama posthumously made his father a US citizen.

Stupid, but harmless.

Unfortunately, they have gone away, they've been shouted away by ASSHOLE IDIOTS IDIOTS IDIOTS IDIOTS.

I can't read any article about the protesters without seeing red, the recent "news" about the dropped public option almost killed me, I can't stand it.

Why aren't people like me on the TV? People who need the public health option? (Though we want France's system or Japan's or Canada's or...)

People with the gall to survive childhood cancer - uninsurable.

People who had to file bankruptcy because of an illness - especially if they were insured and discovered they were underinsured.

And me.

I'll be dropped August 11, 2012 from the health plan I've been on all my life. Throughout that life, I have had at least 3 separate "pre-existing conditions." If I can get a job, if I can get insurance, I will pay through the nose and get shitty coverage. But I'll take it, because I need pills to live. (Junkie, you know.)

I would rather have my taxes pay for my healthcare - and others.

Whatever happened to love thy neighbor? How can people be so cruel?

OBAMA'S NOT GOING TO KILL YOUR GRANDMA.

Your grandfather, now...

Can I just say one little thing about Oprah, Firefox?

Stop crashing, willya? Twice in under 30 seconds, must be a new record for you. First I'm told it's crashing because I have the latest version (with the bugs yet to be worked out), then I'm told I need the latest one to stop the crashing.

Guess what? Hasn't stopped.

Oh well. It's still not anywhere near as bad as the dark days of CompuServe and dialup. (Youtube was the only video player that worked for us, and god, uploading a photo... I actually uploaded a video when we had dialup. Took a few tries, but I did it.)

Anyways, I said this when I first saw this incredibly! shocking! story! on the incredibly! shitty! show! "Inside Edition" (on before Jeopardy), and what is a blog for but what you say or don't say, because you're too polite and your mom told you to be nice, they're family.

Yeah, it was about Oprah's shocking! weight gain and how ashamed she was and blah blah blah. And the next cover of her magazine. (Never watched her show.)



When I first saw that flash on the screen, I couldn't tell which one was the "fat" Oprah. No, really.

That's my main point. My secondary point is she looks fine at 200 lbs. I can't comment on her health, only her looks. And she looks great.

There is this awful picture of me at my 16th birthday looking really fat (especially in the face, which is especially red), so I know from experience how it can look good and how it can't. I probably weigh more now, but I like what my face looks like (at least in the mirror, and when I smile at little children, they don't start screaming) and I wish my mom would get rid of that damned picture. I mean, Baskin Robbins didn't even get us the right cake!

I think Oprah should listen to me, a little nobody, and just stop this. Work on being healthy, like we all should, and not on the number on the scale. ETA: And she is doing that! But I bet that won't stop her from coming out with her abs bared when she loses some multiple of 5 pounds in the coming year.

Oh god, speaking of diets, some of the latest ads are kind of creeping me out. One shows hunger as a monster that you can beat with their product and the phrasing is so borderline eating disorder, it illustrates everything wrong with diets, especially those advertised on TV. Though I was proud, I guess, of SlimFast's latest, which showed a woman a teensy bit bigger than the women in the other diet ads. Especially Special K's latest terrible offering, where the Mom (in a huge puffy coat that makes everyone look fat) is compared to a snowman by her awful child and runs off to her Special K cabinet.

Speaking of weight loss, I've lost at least 15 pounds in 6 months, and I don't know how. I see my endocrinologist every six months, so I trust his scale a bit more than my OB's, since I see him every month. (Makes no sense, I know, but if something were happening, it would continue happening and show up at the endo's. And it did.)

It was so silly. I was like, "That sounds lower than last time. Is it?" The nurse said yes, and my mom was all "High five!" Sadly, I left her hanging. She said women were supposed to celebrate weight loss and I pointed out that I couldn't celebrate when I didn't even know what I'd even done.

To wrap this up, I've only seen one thing about this (not my miraculous weight loss, Oprah!) and in the entire thing, the author never says she looks good. Though apparently there are health concerns. I check Jezebel daily, and knew there'd be something. And while I agree with everything said, I still expected at least a body positive comment. Perhaps at least one commenter will deliver.

If not, I may have to put on my trust Anonymous hat and comment again. (Just commented for the first time today and I've been reading since some time this summer.) But I doubt I'll have to.

I know somebody else out there feels the same way I do.

Oprah looks great and has looked great every time I've seen her and will probably continue to look great until she dies, which won't be for a long, long time.

ETA: I am tempted to disclose my weight, except I don't remember it. I have the attention span of a gnat when it comes to weight. Like Oprah's current weight? Had to look it up. But I can tell you that at Open House at my third elementary school, in second grade, I called the teacher "Mom" or possibly "Mommy" and nobody heard, or if they did, they never said anything.

I also vividly remember the one rude comment about my looks the first time I posted a picture of myself on a message board. (I was compared to Pat of SNL fame.) I have incredibly thin skin.

ETA yet again: Kate Harding said it better, with less asides. (And she's talked to Oprah!) I saw either the Memphis or County mayor in a Memphis Home Depot once, and I totally bashed NBC right to a local NBC anchorman's face while waiting for my English class. We were in another room, watching a movie. My teacher was so cool, we were tardy, it was unexcused, but nothing ever came of it. And I talked to a guy who'd been on the teevee! Also, also, my mom totally met the two main Memphis detectives from A&E's the First 48 at the Rick Springfield concert at the fair this fall. They know my dad, and they've been on cable! Kate Harding is also a coherent blogger, which explains why she has commenters and I talk to myself, only to be embarrassed by something on this later. (I will be important enough to be embarrassed by the blog I started to jot down my experiences in a psych ward, dammit!)


And yes, a commenter did say Oprah looked great now on the first page of comments. Perhaps Dodai thought it went without saying?

"That was grammatically correct but morally wrong."

My French teacher told me that today and it's just making me laugh. (Plus, I like his accent.)


I played phone tag with the doctor's office for two days just to get to find out it was about nothing important (to me) at least. Later on, I found out that if I tell them anything, well, they'll change my meds to try to fix it! They don't just want status reports for the hell of it!

As for the real problem, TMI city.

Dr. Dude's answer to this problem has been to increase a medication. Well, it's been increased for about two months now, and the problem isn't as bad, but it's not gone. So Tuesday, the doctor says that I should drop down to one a day.

Cue instant reaction and pain.

I thought that was what the the phone tag was all about.

On Wednesday, at 5:15pm, I got a phone call from someone at the doctor's office after they closed asking me to call my doctor's nurse the next day. I did, and asked her not to call between 10 & 11. She called at 10:30. I called her back, leaving a message asking again not to call between 1 and 2:30 and this time she listened and they were just busy, so she never got to call me. Meanwhile I'm screaming in pain.

The call finally comes and it's about something that is a mild irritant at worse and NOTHING when compared to the issues that have cropped up, issues they knew about, since I called every day.

But I got that quote out of it.


More school related thoughts, though don't ask me how I got from here to there, because it gives me a headache to recreate my own thought process.

My anthropology teacher likes Bollywood. Dude! And she gets most of her Bolly-fix through Netflix and *other* channels, and that got me thinking I have got to get off my ass and get a Netflix account - the one at a time deal, unlimited checkouts per month.

I've discovered I'm comfortable watching movies and recorded tv on my laptop, and it's just not cost effective to use the library (or buy every movie) anymore. It's only $2 a rental, sure, and if you get it on Thursday, you can stretch a 3 day rental into four, since they're not open on Sundays! Money in your pocket, baby!

The library has some awesome movies outside of the mainstream - Mississippi Masala, Salaam Bombay!, Monsoon Wedding, Bollywood/Hollywood, and a number of regular hollywood films I've been curious about.
(Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind - loved it. Confessions of a Dangerous Mind - loved it. Boys Don't Cry - loved it, but it's like the Virgin Suicides. I can't see it that often. I also saw Marie Antoinette this semester, but that was from my roommate's collection. Last year's roommate's collection library yielded The Devil Wears Prada, which sucks compared to the book, except when it comes to the visuals.)

One branch has the film Saawariya, which isn't quite Bollywood, as a Hollywood distribution thingie was involved. Of course, the sentence after that calls it Bollywood.

The thing is, this branch isn't close to me and I don't drive. So I have to go to that library to get that movie if I want to watch it, though I can still turn it in close by. Or I can wait until it can be shipped between libraries.

Of course, Om Shanti Om also came out in 2007, and I don't know the library doesn't have it. The fact that it is Bollywood? That its soundtrack kicks ass and its plot is gloriously convoluted?

And here's the final thoughts that led me to post again instead of ignoring this blog until a cute lolcat caught my eye.

I spent the night before my first test in science this semester listening repeatedly to the song Deewangi Deewangi from Om Shanti Om. It was so hyper it became relaxing. (And the video is part of the coolness, even though I recognize about 5 of those people.)



This technique did not help the studying; I got a C.

Would it have helped if I'd have listened to something more inspirational sounding like this (Aashaayen from 2005's Iqbal)?



Discuss.

The TV show "Murder"

It's a new original Spike TV reality show.

Very little is on TV on the weekends, besides movies and baseball.

And lots of CSI on one particular channel.

So I've seen the commercials for the show "Murder" too many times to count.

When I first saw these, I was horrified and disgusted. They didn't reveal much information in the commercials, besides that it's real people solving real crimes - in a competition, no less!

I couldn't believe it was legal, letting ordinary people solve homicides, or work at it anyway.

When I started seeing the commercials, I didn't have internet access (or a computer), and I just now got around to looking it up online.

There aren't many reviews, just basic articles from TV websites, like this one or this one.

Seeing that was such a relief - I hoped they were recreated crimes that the contestants would be working on, not real, unsolved ones.

The commercial made it sound like the contestants were not only competing with each other, but with actual detectives.

They're not, at least not that I can tell. The detectives already solved the case, or another one did. These cases were all solved through forensics, just like CSI.

In this article, the executive producer said they looked through archives to find cases solved through forensics, not confessions and eyewitnesses, like most actually are.

Yeah crime shows are fictional, they make it seem like every case can be solved in an hour or two, but another bit, one I've known for a long time, is that most murders aren't that complex. Though you have to give kudos to Law and Order for giving a date at most scenes, showing that the "order" part takes a long time.

Not so for CSI, of course. The worst about CSI? Jerry Bruckheimer. He also does the Pirates movies! And Johnny Depp hasn't been in any CSI. For shame.

But still.

The show Murder turns my stomach.

But people will watch - everyone loves a good mystery.

I can't wait to see SiCKO.

I saw Michael Moore on the Daily Show yesterday, and caught him at 11 on Tavis Smiley, where he had more time to talk, and they showed a different clip.

I also like the latest commercial, casting him as Shaft - "Shut yo mouth!"

However, it naturally terrifies me due to my health problems. Even if nothing goes wrong, I'm still on plenty of medication and will be for the rest of my life (thyroid, calcium, vitamin D, allergy meds - NEVER stop those because your allergies have improved, what an idiot - and god knows what else.)

On PBS, he said he asked people to send him healthcare horror stories, expecting a few hundred, and getting 20 thousand, which does not surprise me.

I agree with what he has said so far (without seeing the film), we do not need the middle man of the insurance company. Human life should not be treated like a business product.

Working at the crisis center scares me, seeing people derailed financially by health problems, even when the care is free. St Jude's patients, for example. Free care for your kid, but you still miss work, and if your kid's in St Jude's, you're going to eat up your paid off days fast. I'm nowhere near as sick as a St Jude's patient, and my mom has no sick days. My dad can't watch us when we're sick because he'll "get fired" if he misses work. He says he has a lot of sick days, but he's saving them in case something terrible happens to himself, my sister, myself, or even my mom. Me staying in the hospital? "Best [I] ever looked!" Himself injured on the job? Nope.

Anyways, something I've been meaning to write about is prescription drug commercials, and I was finally spurred by the movie and his appearances on the Daily Show and Tavis Smiley.

Prescription drug commercials are fucked up.

Let me repeat that, to anybody with any knowledge of prescribing medication, these commercials are bizarre, useless, bullshit.

The only medication that I am on because of commercials is Singulair. I needed to be on an allergy med, and I'd never been on it, but I knew it's name, so we went with it. It's done all right.

I'm on another drug that is featured in commercials on TV - my birth control, Yaz. However, the commercials did not play a part in the decision at all, this was the one my OB-GYN thought best for me right now.

The other allergy medications I've been on since we stopped with the weekly shots have also been in commercials, but I didn't walk in and say, "I'm itchy. This commercial says this medication will make me stop itching. Prescribe it."

Same with the antidepressants. When I was put on Cymbalta, that was a decision my doctor made. After I got home, I started seeing commercials for it and continue to this day.

Everything else is not common enough to warrant commercials, except for the calcium supplement and the Lyrica, but I've only seen print ads, and they're aimed at a different nerve problem. (Or the same - just nerve damage and pain in a different part of the body.)

But commercials never entered my mind, when I get prescribed a new drug, we look it up online and ask the pharmacy about it. Locally owned independent drugstore - one reason I can't leave, they know my history, my medical allergies, everything. They pissed off my dad by not filling something because of insurance or it was too soon or somebody working at the pick-up section pissed him off, but I still depend on them. My insurance gives me uniform copays, unlike my poor mom.

Back to the ads.

Here are 2 things that bug me the most about the ads:

"Talk to your doctor." - Are you a doctor? No, you saw a commercial and knew you had this problem, this brand new problem that your doctor either didn't know about or didn't want to treat. Which is insane, because even if your doc is new, you can have your records faxed from your old one, you fill out info sheets on current meds, past and current health problems, everything. Your doctor knows you have high cholesterol, if you go in for your checkup and say, "Doc, put me on Expensrol, because the commercial said it was better than what you have me on," I don't think it will go well. No body reacts the same way to medication, and your doc generally has you on what he or she feels is best and what has not caused horrible side effects.

"Tell your doctor if you have XYZ, people with XYZ should not take ABC." - Your doctor should already know everything about your health and medical history. If not, get a new one and tell him or her everything! Sheesh.

They just bug me. I understand commercials for OTC drugs - they're not prescribed, and they're used by a lot of people. Your doc may recommend one, but not actually prescribe it.

I do have an OTC drug because of the commercials - Alavert. It really is good.

I think the ads for prescription medication are part of the reason they cost so damn much.

I don't know much about the business side of health care, and I don't want to.

My biggest worry about getting a job is not the pay, it's the health insurance. I can't expect the same thing I have now (unless I join the military, then my copays are zero), but I hope to get affordable copays and the treatment I need, not the treatment that saves the most money.

That's the problem - they can't turn a profit without denying operations, procedures, and medications. That's not right.

Our current president is a Christian, a very public one. Which makes me question his faith, sure he believes in God, but I thought religion was a private matter?

Would Jesus deny you afforable health care because of a pre-existing condition?