Friday, August 31, 2007

I have plenty of time to post.

On both my blogs.

And I don't mean a couple sentences, I mean, long rambling outpourings of my soul.

But I haven't felt like it this week - right now, I can't sleep. I have English at 9:10 and French at 11:20, then a bike ride to the nearest pharmacy and then Law & Order, homework, laundry, nothing until Tuesday.

Maybe this weekend I'll catch up with Pluggers. ::shudder::

Let me just say this - I love college, I truly do.

I love being around people my own age, people who want to learn, I'm not even that homesick - I think the times I cried or almost cried were from fear of the unknown and frustration.

By Wednesday, I'd gone to all my classes, so that was pretty much gone.

I've made a big decision - at least for this semester. I applied for a job earlier this month upon seeing that my predicted money included $700 from work-study, but I couldn't figure out if I am indeed, work-study. I don't need the money - my books, classes, meal plan, and dorm are paid off for this semester. And I'll get the other half of my scholarships, grants, and financial aid in January.

Now, next year, when I've been kicked off the honors program and lost my juicy scholarship, then I'll need a job.

I know I can do the job, and I also know I have the time to do it, but, as I told my ACAD professor, I don't have the emotional time. He understood, and I'm not even sure what I mean.

You have to take a test over the training and paper accompanying the training. I studied Monday, cried a bit, called my Mom, studied some more, stopped crying and felt better, got the test, and blanked. I probably would have passed, especially since, according to the guy next to me who took it Sunday, they make you redo it until you get the 70% needed to pass - they're desperate.

I filled out what I could, then spoke to my (future former) boss. I'd been on the payroll since Thursday, but hadn't worked any hours. (He called me at 4 something last Thursday after moving in and said I could come in then and get started. I said no, then worried this would be an absence I'd have to make up! It wasn't. I couldn't, even if I'd wanted - no sleep Wednesday night, I was going on adrenaline and nerves.)

I told him I'd been out of circulation for more than a year and that I'd taken too much on, and couldn't do it now.He understood and was very nice about it. He said it was better to leave the job now, before my grades can be affected, rather than at midterms or something.

He also said that he knew I could do this job, or I wouldn't have applied. He wants me to call him next week after I'm settled, and let him know for sure then. I'll have a job waiting for me.

When I applied, I got the feeling I wouldn't get it because it was so late, and so many people had already applied, I had a snowball's chance in hell, etc. That's not entirely true. Sure, those of us called back for training were not guaranteed the job until we passed the test, but why was I on the payroll before taking the tests, hmm? They are desperate. The more people calling, the more chances for money to come in. I mean, last year they had a 500% turnover!

I may apply for it in January or next summer, who knows? But now is not the right time.

I've never had a job before, and I haven't been in school consistently since August? September? of 2005. Sure, I was still getting my Shelby County education, but I was in my pjs, in pain, and merrily isolated.

I called Becky Monday to say I was thinking about quitting. (The job was the one thing to push me past "almost crying" into red eyed leaking.) She said I couldn't, because she'd cried the first 2 weeks of her job, and mom wouldn't let her quit, so why should I?

But Becky and I aren't identical, and we haven't had identical lives. (She got on yearbook her junior year, I didn't get on it, even after applying...) She started her job this April, during the school year. When she started school the 13th, the job was not new. And neither was school. The classes, work, and teachers were, but still.

So that's it.

Also, we were freezing during orientation and move-in, but yesterday, I was soaked in sweat during class, and the teacher said it's normally cold enough for a blanket!

I love school, but I haven't had a full week of it. Check back in a week to see if I've run away to Canada or Iceland or Tierra del Fuego. Kidding! I'm doing well in French and Math, as soon as the facts come in, I know them, and the other 3 involve a lot of writing and thinking, and despite what this blog may lead you to believe, I'm a damn good writer. And thinker.

1 comment:

Ithildriel said...

How is school going kiddo?